Not Your Good Fatty

I'm fat... visibly,unmistakably fat. The kinda fat person who garners nasty stares and looks of shame from complete strangers. I've spent a good chunk of my life trying to not be a fat person or at least being a more acceptable fat person. A list of things I did to be a good fatty in no specific order.

1.Eating less or not at all, specifically around men.

2. Wearing hot ass fall clothes in the summer cause don't nobody wanna see all "that".

3. Talking shit about fat folks who dared to live their lives guilt free( this is probably the worst, internalized fatphobia is real ya'll.)

4. Constant dieting, and eating "healthy" (eating healthy is great but so is ice-cream and you can enjoy both so yeah)

5. Going harder in the gym than I should have cause they're watching and waiting for me to fuck up or looking at me and applauding me for being a good fatty trying to get fit.

I'm sure I've done more harmful things to myself  just so I could say at least I'm not one of "those" fat people. Hey skinny folks look at me I don't eat, I exercise, I don't wanna be like this... that was all done to get approval from folks I didn't even know.

No matter what we do as fat people, society at large will associate our fat bodies with poor health, laziness, and other socially negative traits assigned to folks with fat bodies [also let me be clear, if you are fat and possess those traits, you still don't owe anyone change or an explanation]. These people will continue to judge and shame because they are fearful of fat folks thriving and being happy.

 I  made a very conscious decision to be happy and free in whatever skin I'm in and not giving  anyone my energy who tries to make me feel like there's a problem with my body. I promise you it feels so good to not give a damn where other's opinions of you are concerned. It also feels good to do the things you want without worrying about who's watching. I'm not saying that the damaging thoughts I held don't sometimes creep back up into my mind, but I've stopped trying to justify my existence; whatever body I'm in is mine and I love it, I don't owe the world any justification for simply being and neither do you.